First, a clarification. When we use the word jealousy, we usually mean envy:
Envy = wanting something someone else has
Jealousy = being defensive and protective of something you have (typically a romantic partner) because you feel threatened that someone will take it
Yup. Jealousy is used incorrectly 99.9 percent of the time.
In many ways, it doesn’t matter. Envy and jealousy can wreak havoc on a writer equally. They’re a debilitating mix of fear, hatred, confusion, discontent, and anxiety. Both feel terrible, causing us to ruminate and become plagued with self-doubt. Typically, we end up in a pit of compare-and-despair.
It doesn’t need to be like this. Envy, in particular, is a little blessing to be welcomed. Plenty of sages and wise people have spoken to this: Envy brings a message and can be the key to your growth as a human being and writer (the writer part is mine).
Envy’s Message
Here’s how it works: Not every author who wins the Pulitzer Prize or gets a seven-figure book deal sends you into compare and despair. So why that one? Typically, it’s because you admire that writer in some way and they have something you need to deliver on your talent—and you know it.
I envy Jessica de Fino of
. Why? Because I love all her success and the way she’s shaking up the beauty industry. I love that she’s making a real difference in the world in a clever, hilarious way. She reminds me to focus on making a difference (by undermining the power imbalance writers suffer and helping them succeed on Substack) and giving readers something they can’t get anywhere else.We envy certain writers because they have something to teach us. I envy
for her boldness and truth-telling. I envy because she has such a smart, focused Substack that delivers every time. I envy for her wit and bravery and the way her voice comes off the page (or screen) and speaks into your ear.Envy, in this form, is a beautiful thing. View it this way and the most brilliant alchemy can occur: envy becomes joy with tranquility.
Notice how the facial expression of joy with tranquility isn’t one of hyperbolic, exclamation-point-riddled happiness. Not happy. Just good. Just content. Just enough.
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Ah! This one got me good. I see so many writers offering connection and meaning that I'd like to offer as well. Looks like I have work to do!
Completely agree with this, envy can make you up your game, work harder etc. I guess it's different depending on the state of mind you're starting at though. For some folk, I guess it could be a negative: "They're so great so I won't bother" kind of thing.